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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Those oh so hip Sydney Anglicans

I've just flicked through the latest edition of Southern Cross and was quite surprised to learn that Peter Jensen is now an avid supporter of creationism, well at least of one of its main historical planks. Peter says in his Christmas piece that "The coming of Jesus at the end of history will be sudden. It will catch people unprepared. Just as the people in the days of Noah scoffed and refused to heed his warnings"

Apparently, unlike his uber-postmodernal heir, Peter maybe, just maybe, believes that Noah was a real historical flesh and blood man, like he and I, and not some composite of far too many literary devices to number fashioned along a similar line to John Dickson's spineless, pseudo-academic and ultimately vacuous theory of Genesis 1 being neither history nor non-history because....hang on...wait...wait..wait...while John confirms this by way of his hotline to Moses, the one none of us has except him and all the other liberals...yes, yes, yes, thanks John for your well-connected transcendent insight...yes I can say on John's authority that Jesus didn't really mean Noah was an historical figure so it still leaves open the possibility that Peter may still believe in a literary Noah who, literally, I mean, literalistically, through repetition, chiasm, parallelism and rhyme, wrote that the world, all the world was not actually totally destroyed, despite Noah writing 12 times or so that it was.

If you're confused, Merry Christmas!

By the way Peter, I notice in your Christmas message there's not a single instance that you mention that God loves us. Some gospel you preach, Archbishop of death.

So what message of life did Southern Cross feel the need to impress upon the reader and the lost world? Hey, it's the Halloween message. Yes, dear Christians, the Sydney Anglicans believe that they are called by God to get...let the Holy Spirit inspired preacher of God's Good news and the rag's reporter tell it as it was:

'Jason Partridge, the assistant minister at St Mary's [says] "If the community does something for Halloween, it suggests there are [people who are interested in the spirit world. We've got a lot to say about death – [and here comes their dutiful “Christian” one liner] we've got the truth on death through Jesus Christ, so let's talk about that."

Have you Jason? No, really, have you really got the truth about Jesus? I doubt it, mate, I really can't see it anywhere. I digress..

'The evening congregation at St Mary's embraced the Halloween service positively by decorating the church, creating special Halloween snacks for supper and coming in costume. "We saw a range of dress-ups, from vampires to Supergirl to cats – and someone even came as Michael Jackson," Mr Partridge says.'

What a great time you apparently had Jason. I'm really sad I missed out. You know what, here's a suggestion. You do remember from your time at Moore that parable Jesus said about going out and searching the countryside for wedding guests to come to the celebration because the elect couldn't be bothered. Well, around about March next year why don't you go down to Oxford St, in drag of course, and invite all the gays and lesbians to come back to St Mary's to your Mardi Gras mass. And don't forget to send me an invitation and I'll do my best Divine impersonation, but I'll leave the pooch at home if that's alright with you.


sam drucker said...

A well constructed satire John.

Maybe the move back to Rome is really on after all? For a so-called evangelical church to be engaging in and promoting the practices of the pagans smacks of the Church of Rome's antics in South America whereby the beliefs of the church were neatly melded into the pagan ceremonies and celebrations of the indigenous folk.

A great help in bringing people out of darkness into the light I don't think! Instead, it is base mixing of dross with gold.

Sam Drucker

Critias said...

Archbishop of death: apt!

Eric said...

Watching the ABC's broadcast of carols in St Andrew's Cathedral, I saw the camera catch Mick Jensen, gazing around. Only wish I'd bothered to record it so I could include the pic (courtesy of the ABC, of course); with the expression on his face, I could only wonder if the word '...maybe...' was going through his mind as he contemplated the Christmas story, like he reported it did when considering another biblical account: that of Noah's flood.

Oh the joy of reducing faith to uncertainty, care of Moore College.